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Joshua Gerald Mattox
Steffanie Annelie Mattox
Taylor Hope Mattox
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All about my Angel Steffanie....
Steffanie Mattox was born to Craig and I on July 4,1995, following severe pregnancy complications. I suffered from HELLP syndrome and was very sick. Steffanie was born 26 weeks into my pregnancy. She weighed 1 pound 15 ounces and was twelve inches long. She was a real fighter with a lot of spunk. She did really well her first week in the NICU, but week two presented us with devastating news. Steffanie had developed a SEVERE infection and they could not trace it to anywhere in her body and the broad spectrum antibiotics did not work. In just fifteen short, tragic days her stuggle for life was over and her parents worlds were shattered. Steffanie died on July 19, 1995. My husband and I spent an agonizing year trying to get pregnant again.
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All About my Angel Joshua....
In July 1996, I found out that I was pregnant again. I was overjoyed and scared. My doctor was very optimistic that I had a less than 20% chance of developing such severe toxemia again. I went on bedrest in December as I had toxemia again. On Febuary 27,1997 I gave birth to Joshua Gerald Mattox, 31 1/2 weeks into my pregnancy. He weighed 2 pounds 13 ounces and was 16 inches long. He spent an agonizing 6 and a half weeks in the NICU. On April 13,1997 he finally got to come home. Craig and I were in total disbelief having a baby in the house. It was a dream come true. He was on a heart moniter. Loving and caring for him was wonderful and by his first birthday, you'd never guess he was a preemie!! Joshua developed into a loving and rambunctious toddler. He was always on the go!! He was the center of Craig and I's world. We sailed through his second birthday with no major obstacles until in April when he became very hyper and thirsty. Joshua had juvenille diabetes. It was so heart wrenching to see him go through so much...it just did not seem fair. He endured it all with the spirit of a child though. He always helped with his shots and finger pokes, never fussed, just accepted it. Just when I was coming to terms with the fact that we could cope, Joshua unexpectedly died. It was all so unreal....It was the day before Mother's Day, a beautiful Saturday. My husband and Joshua were out in the yard and I was inside catching up on some housework. All I heard was Craig screaming, "OH GOD SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!" I ran outside thinking that he was hurt and there was my beautiful baby laying there lifeless on the ground. I helped my husband do CPR until the Volunteer Fire Department arrived. It took forty minutes for lifeflight to arrive. Joshua was flown to the hospital where he died four hours later. He had been playing in our yard. We live in the country on an acreage. We had a small, shallow garden pond that was by our deck. He had been playing by my husband where he was doing yard work and then he was just gone. Craig searched the yard and found him face down in the water. The autopsy said he was in the water LESS THAN TWO MINUTES!!!
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Traveling along CHILDLESS
We never really thought that this could happen. These were the kind of things that happened to "OTHER" people. Not US. You know the ones, you see them or hear about them on the nightly news. Now here is all this tragedy and it's ours. There is not a moment my heart doesn't ache for my children or a hour that goes by that I don't long to be there with them.
Update 12-03-99 I can not believe that I am facing yet another loss. Craig has decided that we are much better apart and has decided to divorce me. This is tragic for us. We have been through so much to give up. I feel that I am really just pieces of the person I used to be.
UPDATE: 02-01-00 We are still trying to work things out. This has been the hardest thing to work through. There are just so many difficult emotions at work here. I am very happy that Craig and I are trying though. I do not believe there is another person on the face of this earth that can know how we feel.
UPDATE 02-23-00 Joshua's third bithday is fast approaching and I look to it with dread. I am choosing to celebrate the day with optimism though, however hard it may be. We are planning on spending the day with the support of our family. We are going to go to the cemetary and release over 50 balloons and send them to "Heaven". I just hope that Josh sees this and feels and understands how much we love and miss him.
UPDATE 04-10/00 May 8th is the 1 year anniversary of Joshua's accident. I am not quite sure how to spend the day. I have been going to the fertility doctor. It does not seem likely that I can have another baby. I am deeply upset by this, I wonder when life will be fair to me. I do not know if I am capable of spending the rest of my life childless and sad.
UPDATE 10/07/00 Craig and I are expecting another baby. I am 17 weeks along. We are guardedly optimistic. The pregnancy has been difficult. I am still suffering from severe morning sickness. Not only do I have a rough road ahead through the rest of this pregnancy, we have a rough road ahead learning to trust ourselves and letting ourselves love again. That in itself is amazing. Loving again. We never thought it could happen. We never thought we would look forward to the future again.
UPDATE 11/21/00 Our daughter Taylor Hope made her silent arrival today. I went to the hospital 3 days after a routine dr.'s appt and they could not find a heartbeat. When will this all end?
UPDATE 03/08/02 We have given life another chance. Our new son was born today at a healthy 5lbs. 9 ozs. His name is Caleb Steven Mattox. We named him Caleb because in the Bible Caleb and Joshua were companions. Is this finally the answer to our prayers?
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Joshua Christmas 1998
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Joshua January 1999
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NEW!!!
GO SEE MY NEW SITES
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