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So, This is That Mutated Fish Thing He Talked About.
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Yes, I know the background color is really, really incongruous with the subject. But heck, I don't see any good reason to make sense. Anyway, this is the site whereat Mutated Fish Corp. comes alive. You will be amazed at how the heck we ever stayed together, astounded at the sheer legal-ness of the disclaimers, and shocked at the stuff we pass off as short fiction. So, sit down, relax, enjoy, and other stuff. You will be referred to an essay written in early 2001 for information, so there's nothing to worry about right now...
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The Description.
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Mutated Fish: Through The Years
The antics of an interesting little group called Mutated Fish Co. take up the necessary space here, for the benefit of all and sundry who wish to learn of its greatness... It is a group self-described as a “theoretical enterprise”, dealing in the trade of senseless, improbable and/or crazy ideas in the style of the late lamented Douglas N. Adams.
This group came together in the summer of 2000, a move now considered ancient history by its members (although signs of its dark presence were visible even in late 1999). At the time, its impossibly evil and charismatic founder, Cameron, was looking for something to do. So he hatched a plot to take over the world with nothing more than... nothing. For the sake of convenience, he decided to hire two people, including myself, into the company, allowing us to merge our three fledgling businesses into a huge corporate monolith. I provided the writing and editing talents of Jimbo Publications Ltd, and the other man, Richard, provided the services of Emilio's Janitorial Corps.
At any rate, after doing almost nothing but gain members, Mutated Fish decided to actually do something in January of that year—make its own products. Of course these plans never came to fruition, remaining firmly stuck on the drawing board; this came as no surprise to its members, as the plans were for such things as a rocket-powered bean transport, a rail toaster, and an innovative balloon-popping mechanism.
Later in ’01, the top officials hatched a plot to take over the 6th grade of Doolen Midddle School as they had the 7th, something they are still working on today (except that they and their targets have moved up), something which, in fact, might actually work. And still later in the year, they sponsored the building of an armored remote-control car from spare parts and sheet aluminum. A few other projects on record are a magazine about the Republic of China, a top-secret operation involving a mysterious figure known as “Mister Tomato”, a gallery of artwork featuring “The Dude”, a list of all clinically known phobias, and a collection of newspaper editorials slandering George “Dubya” Bush. Some of these are finished, some ongoing, and one dropped for no clear reason, but all are an integral part of the company’s history and should therefore be burned.
The inspiration of such comedic geniuses as the actor Steve Martin, newspaper columnist Dave Barry, and the indescribable man who authored the Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy, Douglas Adams, has furthered the cause of Mutated Fish more than any publicity stunt could hope to do. That does not mean, however, that the company is above a few ad campaigns… but that’s also history now. Fun history, but history nonetheless, as Mutated Fish prefers now to handpick members and explain the company to them in a bemusing rush, rather than allowing them the comfort of prior knowledge.
That impossible group is now a respected (or at least tolerated) part of the student community, with members in two grades and at least one sister company at Doolen Middle School. Its members are unique in their common opinion that the legacy of Mutated Fish will continue through the years.
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The Short Fiction.
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You're thinking of groaning and saying, "Even more to read?" I know these things, I asked the chicken. But yes, there are even more things to read! Mwa ha ha ha ha! ...You are free to peruse these as you see fit, just remember that they are all (c) Cameron N., Robert H. and Richard C. If you must put portions of them on your site, just say whose copyright it is. You will suffer horribly if you do not comply with these restrictions! Horribly!
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Our current selection of fiction and other stuff is as follows:
~Tales of the Weird~
^ongoing^
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And, The Application Form.
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OK, listen up. If what you've seen has given you indigestion, take a few TUMS(tm) and get the heck out of here before you rupture something important. But if the rare occurrence has occurred that you feel the need to actually join this company, well, there's little hope for you. But you can still join. Here's the application form, just click on it.
Just copy and paste it into an email, fill it out in that and send it to one of these addresses:
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Finally, Some Interesting Links
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Now, a bit of what you've been waiting for: Links to Great Weird Sites!!
Chief among these, my good friend and employer Cameron put together a comprehensive site on himself and Mutated Fish:
Next, the first employee to ever grace the ranks of the Fish, that amateur anarchist, sometime janitor and anteater enthusiast... Richard!
Now, I bet you're wondering where we get all our inspiration! Well, wonder no more:
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