Ladies and Gents, if you'd all please turn your attention to the far corner...
(all the ladies and gents do so, and the announcer creeps around quietly and steals their wallets)
Hello, and welcome to Kyle's Bio... We are gathered here today to learn about, and laugh at, that infamous character--Kyle K.!
You'll find a picture of the man in question to the left. There you'll also find Kyle himself. He doesn't mind people leaning on him occasionally.
For all you slower observers, yes, Kyle is the tree. What else do you expect, in a bass player?! All a bassist has to do is stand around and pluck the occasional wire. Kyle's nature lends itself perfectly to the task... Plus, didn't I say that everyone in the band was tall except the singer?
Kyle's Life Elsewhere
Kyle's Life in th' Band
The bass at the left is a relatively accurate representation of Kyle's bass. (As you can see, he is in desperate need of a new one.) Kyle's bass is in fact a Fender Musicmaster of unknown age (probably from the 60's or 70's) This is not the real bass, but a picture found on the internet: the pickguard on his is black, and the rectangular thing you see to the right of the strings in the picture is to the left on his.
Not much in this category... Yes, I am just kidding, you think I'd ever make fun of such a good friend and a sturdy companion that you can lean on? (all right, i'm finished with the tree comparisons). Now before I begin to lie too much (Christmas being a few days away) I'll just present the strict facts.
Aren't baby pictures humiliating? This is one of Kyle's more embarassing ones, garnered from an old family album I saw lying around... His mother thinks it's really cute. This is from when he was just a little seedling in Tennessee.
One Short can do without Kyle and his bass on several songs, but--as he would point out--they don't sound as good without him. Even though you can't hear anything he plays.
All right already! Sheesh, can no one take a joke? I'll stop doing the tree thing, I swear it... mostly. Anyway, Kyle was born in April 1988 in Tennessee. He moved to Tucson quite a while ago, but late enough to remember the place and to be loyal to the Titans (a fact that worries many sports fans around the world). He is known for his deviance from the norm of opinions, such as wanting the Braves to win against the Diamondbacks when they played in the World Series and supporting Dubya at election time where everyone else was a firm Gore supporter... although he recently did a hilarious impression of Junior for a school project about the Revolutionary War.
The following paragraph was written by Kyle.
In the band, I am relativly worhtless. I just happen to sit there and do what I'm told. It's funny how the bass player never get any credit. No wonder, no one can hear me and all I do is make everyone else sound good. This causes them to get all the fame while little ole me just sits there getting overlooked. Maybe, someday I should just play terribly and blame it on everyone else.
As for the bass, I have been self taught for about a month or two. I'm not the best bassist in the world, but that can be fixed.
(Kyle's note: Anyone who reads this might think that I am some sort of depressed maniac. I am not, I am just very passionate in my ranting on the corrupt system of fame in bands. In other words, next time you see a bass player, give him a large sum of money and say 'Hey, at the last concert, I couldn't hear a thing that you did, but everyone else sounded good.' If this is ever by chance said to me, I will most likley reply 'Well thank you very much. The other members of the band really suck at what they do, but I make them sound good.')
(Bob's Note: Well, in reply to his bit about getting overlooked, I would say that's quite frankly impossible--him being over 6 feet tall, and all.)
(Kyle's Note: Most people will of course notice me, but they will forget what I was doing by the end of the night and say 'what was that idiot doing standing there on stage?! Everyone else sounded really good though.' But of course they sounded good. Without us bass players, the music world as we know it would be really different, because no one would sound good without our foundation of the sound.)
(Bob's Note: I'm not touching that... man oh man, Kyle's going to be the world's first Bassist Rights Activist, if I know him at all...)
(Kyle's Note: You idiot. You stole that from me.)
(Bob's Note: Fine, I admit it, I stole that. But it sounds like something I would say!)
(Kyle's Note: Too bad. You just fail to appreciate my efforts, you ingrate. You know that we would suck if i just sat down and ate a sandwich in the middle of a song.)
(Bob's Note: Oh yeah!?)
(Kyle's Note: Yeah!)
(Bob's Note: You wanna take this outside!?)
(Kyle's Note: Ladies first.)
Ladies and Gentlemen, you just witnessed a comedic argument. If you think that this was good, check out more in the recently-opened Rants section. If you fail to do this, just flap your arms and squeal like a pig in boxer shorts. When you do so, send me a picture. I want to know who is a greater idiot than I am.
Kyle's interests include swimming, baseball and pyrotechnics, which are described in order down below:
~He Swims! ...on a team, too. He can basically beat the poo out of me in any water-related competition except cannonballing, in which he only beats the beans out of me. Very good at the sport, in other words.
~He Plays! ...also on a team, with several people from around the city (and some that go to our school). I've never seen him play, but I hear about it often enough, and from what I hear he ain't bad. He likes baseball as a spectator sport as well, and jubilated with the rest of us when the D'Backs won the Series.
~He Fires! ...as a matter of fact, so do I. We both enjoy pyrotechnics (to a safe degree of course, nobody's been hurt or killed as yet). On New Year's Eve last year, a party was held at his house, and everyone lit firecrackers under cand to send them flying. He recently got a large stash of the "good stuff" from his uncle...
~He Dances! ...no, not really.
That's All Folks!
Come again some time, visit the new Rants section... Kyle's definitely going to be featured in it...