October is Domestic Violence
Awareness Month
Approximately forty percent of all calls made to police in the United States, are domestic violence calls. According to FBI reports, domestic violence claims the lives of four women each day. Women, worldwide, suffer from domestic violence. Women, however, are not the only victims in this war, children who grow up in this violent environment, are also at risk.
Research suggests up to 75% of men in batterer treatment programs report having witnessed abuse of their mothers, or report being physically abused themselves, as children. These men are three times more likely to hit their wives than those who did not witness such behavior. Evidence suggests girls who have been abused or who have witnessed the abuse of their mothers may be more likely to become victims of domestic violence as adults. Two thousand children die in outbursts of family violence each year; 140,000 are injured physically and emotionally. In at least half of these cases, there is evidence of both child abuse and domestic violence. Research from the National Research Council found children exposed to domestic violence are more likely to endure depression, experience developmental problems, acute and chronic physical and/or mental health problems, and aggressive or delinquent behavior.
Society often offers little sympathy to the battered woman, believing she has the choice to leave her situation at any time. The facts, however, do not support that myth. Research confirms battering men often escalate violence in order to re-capture battered women and children who have sought safety through separation. Battered women seek medical attention for injuries sustained as a consequence of domestic violence significantly more often after separation than during cohabitation with as many as 75% of visits to emergency rooms occurring after separation. Studies suggest between one quarter and one half of women killed by their partners were killed after separation and a significant number were killed while trying to separate from the assailant.
If a battered woman does manage to free her family from the abusive relationship, what does their future hold? Far too often, these families are set adrift into a world of poverty and neglect. Financial difficulties are overwhelming and all encompassing. Many battered women and their children end up on Welfare. If a woman works outside the home, as Welfare will certainly instruct her to do, she faces even more challenges and heartbreak. Many battered women are harassed at work, in person or over the telephone, causing them to be late for work, leave early, or in many cases miss work altogether.
Violence against women is an ongoing campaign of terror waged by an insidious enemy. He sits next to you on the bus, at your favorite restaurant, in the theatre, at Little League games, in the doctor’s office and in Church. If you are one of the unfortunate few, he also sleeps in your bed.
Someone you know is being battered, whether you realize it or not. Statistics show one out of four women is a victim of domestic violence. Every fifteen seconds another woman is abused. By the time you read this brochure how many more women will have been battered, how many more dead? How many more children will have witnessed this unspeakable horror? We must end this terrorism of our women and children. I beseech you to take a stand.
In light of the despicable terrorist attacks on New York City and Washington, DC, I would offer this analogy. Battered women are unwitting participants in terrorism. Much as passengers on a hijacked flight, we are manipulated and terrorized on our way to an unknown and uncertain destination. For many, the flight will end in total destruction. Our homes, are families, our very lives will be demanded of us, whether we seek to fight our attackers or not. It would seem the decision is not ours to make at all. And yet, there is hope. While we live, there is hope. The terrorist attacks have brought the issue of terrorism to the forefront of American issues. Yet, terrorism has been a way of life for many American families for a very long time. Isn't it time to put an end to this domestic terrorism?
Are you in an abusive relationship? Take this quiz to see if you are a battered woman.
Does your partner.......
___ embarrass you in front of people?
___ belittle your accomplishments?
___ make you feel unworthy?
___ constantly contradict himself to confuse you?
___ do things for which you are constantly making excuses to others or yourself?
___ isolate you from many of the people you care most about?
___ make you feel ashamed a lot of the time?
___ make you believe he/she is smarter than you and therefore, more able to make
decisions?
___ make you feel that it is you who is crazy?
___ make you perform acts that are demeaning to you?
___ use intimidation to make you do what he/she wants?
___ prevent you from going or doing common-place activities such as shopping,
visiting friends and family, talking to the opposite sex?
___ control the financial aspects of your life?
___ use money as a way of controlling you?
___ make you believe you cannot exist without him/her?
___ make you feel that there is no way out and that "you made your bed and must lie
in it"?
___ make you find ways of compromising your feelings for the sake of peace?
___ treat you roughly - grab, pinch, push or shove you?
___ threaten you - verbally or with a weapon?
___ hold you to keep you from leaving after an argument?
___ lose control when he/she is drunk or using drugs?
___ get extremely angry, frequently without an apparent cause?
___ physically force you to do what you do not want to do?
___ escalate his/her anger into violence - slapping, kicking, etc.?
___ not believe that he/she hurt you, nor feel sorry for what he/she has done?
___ threaten to harm himself if you don't do what he says?
Do you.........
___ believe that you can help your partner change the abusive behavior if you were
only able to change yourself in some way, if you only did something differently, if
you really loved him/her?
___ find that not making him/her angry has become a major part of your life?
___ do what he/she wants you to do rather than what you want to do out of fear?
___ stay with him/her only because you're afraid he/she might hurt you if you leave,
or tell someone?
___stay with him because you are afraid he will hurt himself if you leave him?
If you have said yes to many of the above questions, you have identified an abusive
relationship and need to seek help and advice. Help and information is available through your local women's shelter.
If you experience a violent episode, call 911. If you want more information on domestic violence, and/or need help in planning a safe exit call the national hotline for domestic violence victims, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and they will give you the number for your local shelter.
Click here for more information
on domestic violence