..And A Song
Recipies
Billy Jacks Famous French-Fried Scewed Cream of Cornfish Chowder
1. Microwave roof tin on high for 10 consecutive hours.
2. Mix in bread bowl and add steel belted tire.
3. Add cream of mushroom soup.
4. Mix in relish and chocolate starfish.
5. Insert into blender. Let dry.
6. Add in 1/3 cup sweat from jogging shorts while still fresh.
7. Add in chickin and poultry and 4 dozen eggs with sand.
8. Serve in 10 minutes, serves up to 1.375 people.
THE CHOAD TO CALIFORNIA
This song is about our trip to Californ-I-A
And all of our adventures that we had along the way
And you’d better listen up my friend, I just thought that I’d warn ya
Cause you’ll never know the next time you’ll be goin’ to California
Woke up Monday morning with a glimmer in my eye
I said hey, this here’s the day I get to finally say goodbye
To all those rows of corn, and fields of soy beans
Hereditary diarrea does run in the jeans
Supposed to leave at 3 pm and 9 short hours later
We hit the road without a map, like worthy navigators
A’ shootin’ through ohier like feces through a goose
A hangin’ from our mirror was a carney in a noose
*Out on the lonely open road
I don’t give a crap
Just shut your yap
And pass the lucky choads
We drove on the whole night through, our eyes were getting saggy
But thank the Lord we didn’t end up in one of those black baggies
The sun came up, the sky turned pink, but there sure was no way
That we could drive and stay alive for yet another day
So we pulled off into the grass and curled up right there
And tourists did double takes and gave us lots of stares
We woke up brand new men with fire in our veins
And didn’t stop until we got to the grassy plains
*Out on the lonely open road
I don’t give a crap
Just shut your yap
And pass the lucky choads
Somewheres along the way our stomaches started sayin’
“Hey dude, I need some food, and I ain’t frickin’ playin’”
So we pulled off the highway with a group of jolly truckies
And had hot eats, but no cool treats at the local Stuckies
While we were there we went in an army surplus store
The man in charge talked so much we could barely take no more
We told him we’d like to stay, but we just were not able
He told us “It gets cold enough in here to freeze the balls off a pool table”
*Out on the lonely open road
I don’t give a crap
Just shut your yap
And pass the lucky choads
cARL-bOBS bERRY-LICKIN DELIGHT
1. Collect berries from front yard, after fertilized by neighbors dog.
2. Insert into bowl.
3. Add Milk.
4. Add sugar.
5. Stir wrathfully with hacksaw.
6. Add chilled basil for garnish.
7. Serve only in states starting with the letter "K" for Jake.
Uncle Argile's Steaming Beer Battered Celery
1. Collect marigolds from nearby cow pasture.
2. Crush marigolds into powder form for use for crust.
3. Mix in bowl with water to form dough.
4. Stir for 1/2 hour on high with blender.
5. Add 1 Cup salt and 3 cups margerine or oleo.
6. Add Irish Kilt from local thrift Store.
7. Add Korn CD and continue to mix with blender until dough is matted.
8. Insert eyeball from a random sender in the mail.
9. Get "Big Girthas" brand of summer sausage and slice for pepperoni nipples.
10. At the crack of dawn, add Ben-Gay.
11. Put in oven at 80 degrees for 15 minutes.
12. Serve at Breezes Gorge and enjoy, careful not to get muck from pond
into your Uncle Argile's Steaming Beer Battered Celery!
Billy Jack's Cutthroat Manpie
1. Retrieve Random animals from side of road.
2. Add into pot and boil on high for 16 hours.
3. Add 1/3 cup salt.
4. Add in 1/4 cup Cooking wine.
5. Add in carrots and other Vegetables desired.
6. Stir and serve for Democrats in Alaska.
Matt and Jonboy's Famous Grass Stew
1. Get a large stew pot.
2. Collect a bucket of grass from your back yard, or front, careful not to
get grass with lawn chemicals on it.
3. Put into stew pot and fill to top with water.
4. Boil on high for 1 hour and stir frequently.
5. Add in 20 beef bulion cubes.
6. Serve for friends, and beware not to bite into bulion cubes.
PRESTO!
Well folks, there's the magic of some secret down home cookin from Mansfield, Ohio.
Enjoy!