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7 Tips for Successful First Dates

By Michele B. Engoran, MA, CSW

Suffering from the dating “jitters?” Everybody gets nervous when they are dating, especially on first dates and most certainly on blind dates. Is there a way to prepare for a date in order to make it more comfortable and fun? Dating is an art, not a science. Yet there are some tried and true tips that may help decrease stress as well as secure that second date.

1. Make a list of all of your biggest fears and negative thoughts about dating. Once you have made the list take a good hard look at it and then decide to let go of those limiting beliefs once and for all. Tear up the list so you can focus on starting fresh.

2. Decide to bring your best self forward. Do not focus on your perceived weaknesses. Make a list of all of your best qualities and unique strengths. Study your list until you feel strong and confident. Step forward into your date as your best self with all of your authentic potential leading the way.

3. Evaluate your communication skills. Communication includes the way you speak as well as the way you listen. Do you express yourself clearly with poise and confidence? Practice expressing yourself assertively without mumbling or hesitation. Are you a good listener? Or do you get easily distracted when someone else is talking? Practice making eye contact and listening quietly and attentively to your date. Be prepared with relevant and appropriate questions. Role-play the possible conversation in your mind. Use uplifting language and accentuate the positive, avoid complaining. Engage your date with genuine interest and enthusiasm.

4. Good body language is essential. Avoid quirky mannerisms like twisting your hair or pulling on your shirt repeatedly. Making eye contact, standing up tall (no slouching) but relaxed, arms open, face forward (never have your back or side to your date), and lean in when you are speaking, these convey respect to your date which reflects positively on you. Always offer a warm handshake on a first date.

5. Men may want to practice the dying art of chivalry. Open doors, pull out chairs for your date and allow her to order her meal first. A little chivalry goes a long way to making your date extraordinary.

6. If you like the person and you want to flirt – go ahead! Flirting is natural; it is a way of letting your most attractive self shine through. Extended eye contact, a light touch on the arm, a well-selected word or two that suggest interest. Just keep it all in balance and don’t go overboard on the first date.

7. The point of dating is to get to know someone and to enjoy yourself at the same time, so be yourself and have fun. Relax and be light, not overly serious. Smile frequently and use appropriate humor. Plenty of laughter during your date leaves him or her with a warm feeling.

The world of dating is an adventure. Once you learn the landscape you can master all the twists and turns with ease. Release your expectations and go with the flow. For your next first date, just use common sense and trust yourself. You are worth it!

Michele B. Engoran, MA, is a life coach and hypnotherapist. She offers individual coaching sessions with a focus on communication and interpersonal skills. She can be reached at her office in Plainsboro, NJ, at 609-750-7432 or visit www.MicheleBEngoran.com.



	THE SINGLES CORNER... 7 Tips for Successful First Dates By Michele B. Engoran, MA, CSW © Copyright May 2008 Suffering from the dating “jitters?” Everybody gets nervous when they are dating, especially on first dates and most certainly on blind dates. Is there a way to prepare for a date in order to make it more comfortable and fun? Dating is an art, not a science. Yet there are some tried and true tips that may help decrease stress as well as secure that second date. 1. Make a list of all of your biggest fears and negative thoughts about dating. Once you have made the list take a good hard look at it and then decide to let go of those limiting beliefs once and for all. Tear up the list so you can focus on starting fresh. 2. Decide to bring your best self forward. Do not focus on your perceived weaknesses. Make a list of all of your best qualities and unique strengths. Study your list until you feel strong and confident. Step forward into your date as your best self with all of your authentic potential leading the way. 3. Evaluate your communication skills. Communication includes the way you speak as well as the way you listen. Do you express yourself clearly with poise and confidence? Practice expressing yourself assertively without mumbling or hesitation. Are you a good listener? Or do you get easily distracted when someone else is talking? Practice making eye contact and listening quietly and attentively to your date. Be prepared with relevant and appropriate questions. Role-play the possible conversation in your mind. Use uplifting language and accentuate the positive, avoid complaining. Engage your date with genuine interest and enthusiasm. 4. Good body language is essential. Avoid quirky mannerisms like twisting your hair or pulling on your shirt repeatedly. Making eye contact, standing up tall (no slouching) but relaxed, arms open, face forward (never have your back or side to your date), and lean in when you are speaking, these convey respect to your date which reflects positively on you. Always offer a warm handshake on a first date. 5. Men may want to practice the dying art of chivalry. Open doors, pull out chairs for your date and allow her to order her meal first. A little chivalry goes a long way to making your date extraordinary. 6. If you like the person and you want to flirt – go ahead! Flirting is natural; it is a way of letting your most attractive self shine through. Extended eye contact, a light touch on the arm, a well-selected word or two that suggest interest. Just keep it all in balance and don’t go overboard on the first date. 7. The point of dating is to get to know someone and to enjoy yourself at the same time, so be yourself and have fun. Relax and be light, not overly serious. Smile frequently and use appropriate humor. Plenty of laughter during your date leaves him or her with a warm feeling. The world of dating is an adventure. Once you learn the landscape you can master all the twists and turns with ease. Release your expectations and go with the flow. For your next first date, just use common sense and trust yourself. You are worth it! Michele B. Engoran, MA, is a life coach and hypnotherapist. She offers individual coaching sessions with a focus on communication and interpersonal skills. She can be reached at her office in Plainsboro, NJ, at 609-750-7432 or visit www.MicheleBEngoran.com.