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The following is an excerpt from a Script Genie IN DEPTH Analysis:
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Please remember, this is only a brief excerpt from an "in depth" coverage.
In depth notes run an average of 12 pages.
This overall analysis will deal with perfecting the plot, characterization, premise, theme
and dialogue of *EMILY AND ME. In addition, please refer to the actual screenplay for
grammatical and structural changes as well as editing for wordiness.
You will notice that I have crossed out parts of the exposition (directorial
notes/descriptions) in your script. While you paint a very colorful picture with these
descriptions, studio readers frown upon chunks of exposition as it interrupts the flow
(pace) of the actual story.
Premise:
The Premise of your screenplay is so important because it offers up the idea that will
hook your audience into the story. A strong hook will keep your reader glued to your
story from beginning until end. In order to do this, you must set up a question to be
answered at the end of your story, as soon as possible.
The premise that you have presented in EMILY AND ME is; “If I lose custody over
Emily, I’ll die. She is my reason for living.” This is a little bit blatant (we'll deal with that later) but otherwise, an excellent hook. The reader knows
that the journey throughout the screenplay will lead to answering the question, “Do
Emily and her father reunite?”
In your premise, you have also set the stakes in the story.
Your main character has stated his agenda as well as the consequences, should the
agenda not be met.
While your premise (hook) is strong, unfortunatelly the follow up is not. Your premise
has set the stage for the screenplay to be a character driven drama.
Instead of elaborating on the poignant issues introduced in your premise and hook, the
bulk of your plot barely manages to scratch the real topics below the surface. We
have learned that Emily’s father longs to be with his daughter. The rest of your story
follows him throughout his perilous journey to get to Emily. However, you have not
established why he can’t live without her. Without this major piece of information, you risk losing the audience's emotional tie to your main character. Establishing and
maintaining an emotional tie between your audience and the main character is so
important because he is the one who will carry your story. He is the hero. The
audience must have a vested emotional interest in this character in order to sit through
his story. Remember, although you have established a bond with the character you
have created, unless you are writng a sequel or the story of a well know character, the
audience will need to feel a connection to your character in order to wanting to see his
story through.
The good news is that you can get your main character (Craig) emotionally involved in
your story by simply establishing the reason why he needs to gain custody over
Emily. This can be done by adding a line or two into your dialog. One is example of how is as
follows; Because the main character spends quite some time bar hopping, he has an
excuse to blab a little. (Not too much, though...you only need a sentence or two...no
one wants to hear a character whine.) Craig can spill his guts one drunken night while
he is out with his buddy (Billy), about how badly he feels for letting social services take
Emily from him. Your audience will be able to identify with this guilt and/or
sympathize with Craig.
Voila, you have created a bond between your main character
and your audience/reader.**
*Name has been omitted to protect client confidentiality.
**This in depth analisys goes on to pick apart each major aspect of the screenplay.
Although the length of an analysis varies from screenplay to screenplay, the average
analysis is twelve pages, typed.
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