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Our Angel Shad
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In loving memory of our son, Shad Luke McKell
As written by Shad's mommy, Lisa
On June 16, 1995, we were blessed with our second child, a happy loving little boy. Shad idolized his big brother Shafiq, and would endlessly run after him, following in his footsteps, learning new things, and occasionally, throwing his own weight around. Although 28 months apart in age, Shad was only slightly smaller than Shafiq, and quite willing to let his older brother know who was really boss.
On October 16, 1997, our world came crashing down. Our always strong and healthy 28 month old Shad was diagnosed with Medulloblastoma, a highly malignant brain tumor. Shad underwent surgery October 18, 1997 to remove the large tumor, and another surgery October 31, 1997 to insert a VP shunt and a port-a-cath, a permanent IV site needed to administer chemotherapy. Shad also underwent another surgery Septemeber 21, 1999 to replace his faulty VP shunt.
After surgery, Shad lost all of his motor abilities and his speech. Over the next 3 years, Shad slowly regained some of his lost skills and his speech, but was never able to stand or walk unassisted. This did not bother Shad, and he was quite content crawling, or scooting around to play with his toys and get where he wanted to go. Shad was also able to use his walker, and could stand or walk holding on to furniture or holding someone's hand. He was very proud of this accomplishment, and would say "look at me, I'm a big boy!"
After 12 months of chemo, the cancer had spread to Shad's spine. He started an experimental protocol of Oral VP16, which was much too difficult for his little body to handle. This chemo was stopped, and Shad began a 32 day cycle of daily head and spinal radiation. Shad finished radiation one month prior to his 4th birthday. The cancer appeared to be gone, and we attempted to adjust to life without chemo and constant visits to the Hospital For Sick Children in Toronto.
In November 1999, The Children's Wish Foundation sponsored our two-week vacation to Trinidad and Tobago. Shad spent countless hours on the beach, building sandcastles and chasing waves. We returned to Toronto feeling renewed, mentally strengthened and ready to face life's challenges with a newly disabled child.
Once again, our hopes were shattered. In December 1999, a routine MRI showed new tumor growth. Two different types of experimental chemo (Irinotecan and Fotemustine) were started, in the hopes that it would have some effect on this cancer monster. After 8 months of chemo, Shad had slipped into a coma, two days after his 5th birthday. We had celebrated Shad's 5th birthday in hospital, thankful that we were able to share this milestone with our son. Shad defied all odds and returned home July 4, 2000, remarkably strong and healthy looking. We knew Shad's time with us on earth was limited, but we continued to hope and pray for a miracle. Shad was surrounded by the love of his family, and we in turn, surrounded by the strength and determination of our brave little son.
Shad was featured on the Canadian based website Smiles'nhugs, a non-profit agency which tells the story of children battling life-threatening illnesses. Shad received many cards of encouragement from total strangers who were touched by the story of our brave son.
On September 5, 2000, Shad took his last breaths, at home, in the arms of his Daddy. We held Shad for hours, cuddling him, singing his favourite songs, trying to memorize the scent of his hair and his baby soft skin, never wanting to let him go. Although Shad is physically no longer with us, we know he is never truly gone. Shad is a heavenly angel, free of pain, able to walk and run with all of the littlest angels, his brave friends who entered heaven before him, and those that followed afterwards. Shad is with us everyday, watching over us until the time comes when we will meet again.
"REMEMBER ME, NOT THE CANCER".......unknown
Shad was a typical five-year-old boy. He loved playing with his cars and trucks and would endlessly do his puzzles. He could sit for hours watching his favourite videos, or being read his favourite books. Shad was a tremendous fan of Thomas the Tank. He knew all of their names, could tell them apart, and could tell you which train was nice, or which one was always getting into trouble. Shad loved the Teletubbies, Franklin and Winnie the Pooh. He also liked to pretend he was a Power Ranger, rolling on the ground with his brother, shouting "hi-ya". Shad was fascinated by balloons, blowing bubbles, flowers, colourful bracelets and trinkets and was very proud of his huge collection of stickers and sticker books.
By far, Shad's favourite of all was Caillou, a little boy in books and video, who was, for whatever reason, bald like a child getting chemo. Caillou became Shad's hero. He learned many things from that animated little boy, good things, and not-so-good things. Things like "I don't want vegetables, I want chocolate pudding instead", how to go 'exploring around the block like a big boy', and how to be brave when you fall down and get an ouchie. To this day, I sleep with Shad's stuffed Caillou, and can't pass a video or toy store without stopping to look at Caillou and see what new adventures he may be embarking on. I know Shad is embarking on new adventures daily in heaven...
Shaddy loved food too, especially treats. Some days he seemed to eat only Minigo yogurt. I don't know what we would have done without it. His other favourites were chocolate pudding, applesauce, Cookies n Cream chocolate bars, Smarties, French fries and grilled cheese sandwiches.
Shad's smile and laughter, his outgoing personality and his charm drew people towards him. He has touched so many people, in so many different ways, and has made a lasting impression for so many people during his short time with us. Shad will be forever remembered by all those who love him, and by those who had the privilege of being part of his life. Our Shad will live forever....in our hearts.
Visit other angels' pages Heavenly Lights Children's Memorial
Visit Squirrel Tales a wonderful site for parents of children with cancer
Meet special kids at Make A Child Smile
Meet special Canadian kids at Smiles N Hugs
Link to Baby Steps Bereavement Site
For on-line support, visit The Grief Warehouse
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